The Exotic Wife

There is a new television program here in Belgium that has been slowly amassing the interest of the public.  The title of the show is “Exotische Liefde”, translated as “Exotic Love”.  It is about what couples go through in Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) and eventually, how they meet, reunite…or are deceived.

Interestingly, there are several Filipina-Belgian couples in the series (even a Filipino-Belgian homosexual couple).  It is quite intriguing (especially for couples like K and I) and most times, in the middle of each episode, we cannot help but cringe.

Let me tell you why…

When I started dating my now husband, K, I was a bit…careful, let’s put it that way.  I made sure that I dressed “conservatively” & “appropriately” whenever we went out back home and that I didn’t wear anything too short or too revealing.  I also consciously took it upon myself not wear make-up of any sort (not that I often do).  Red lipstick and heavy make-up? Gasp! (No pun intended)

In short, I didn’t want to seem: “Slutty”.  I figured there are enough South Park jokes about Filipina prostitutes as well as prejudices in the outside world (and in my country too) that I refused to fuel them.  Normally, I do not heed what other people might think of me or perceive me as despite the undeniable fact that in my country, what people say or think about you is something that cannot easily be ignored…especially when you are not directly confronted with it.

However, I would like to think that nobody we didn’t know really thought of me as a harlot or a gold-digger.  Although, coming from a conservative country, I still made sure that the maximum show of affection in public was a holding of hands or an arm over the other’s shoulder sort.  Definintely, NO KISSING.

I believed that this time, it wasn’t just about me.  It was something bigger than myself.  This time, it was about me together with all the other Filipinas who had foreign boyfriends.  It was about proving to the world that true love can happen between a white boy and a brown girl…and it doesn’t necessarily have to be about exchange rates or VISUMs.

As we were watching an episode, there was this scene where the Filipina finally arrived in her “new” homeland and her loving husband together with his family beamed with happiness; some even shed tears of joy that she had finally come to cold Belgium.  He brought her to his house where he practically converted his cellar into a mini-grocery and told his wife that it was all for her and that she could choose whatever she wanted.  He was set on making her comfortable and happy.

There was, however, a scene (among several) that made me/us cringe—a bit.  It was where he was showing her his living room and tv and he handed her the remote to give it a try and she asked a particularly interesting question: “Yu hab kaybol?” (Do you have cable?) Errr…

But well, I would have to admit that I too had my moments.  Maybe even worse! 

When I first came to visit K, my plane had landed in Amsterdam.  We spent the night there so we could explore the liberated city on my first day in Europe.  At the lobby of our hotel, I found an enchanting painting on the wall.  I told K that it was beautiful.  Then I saw a metal object right below it.  Recognizing it from a photo K sent me of his bedroom, I exclaimed that it was exactly like what he had in his room and that it was quite lovely.  I asked him what it was.  Having been situated under a painting, I thought:  Oh, it might be typical “European Art Nouveau”.

To my great embarrassment, K replied with a forced serious tone, “Umm…it’s a heater.”

In Belgium, I try to be at my best—most of the time anyway. I feel that I am not only representing myself, but I imagine a Philippine Flag following me around all the time.  I always think that I shouldn’t be the one to tarnish the reputation of my fellowmen and that I should not bring shame to my motherland. Cliché but true.

I would have to admit that I am not THAT in touch with the Filipino community here.  I only have a handful of Filipino friends but despite that, news still manages to reach me.

For example:  Two Filipinas engage in a shouting match in the middle of the street—in Antwerp!  Which is 40mins away from Ghent.  I knew about that.

A Filipino karaoke bar owner in our city got caught for dealing marijuana and was sentenced to 2 years in prison.  I, of course, knew about that even if it wasn’t in the news.

An au pair in Brussels ran away with her rich employer’s Hermes bags and designer gowns.  I was well informed about that, as well.

The reason we practically have a thousand Facebook friends is not because we want to win a popularity contest.  It’s because we love keeping ourselves abreast with each other’s lives.  Even if we haven’t seen each other in a long time.  That’s Asians  for you.

On a more sour note, worse news also manage to slither through the Filipino grapevine:

A Filipina comes to Belgium to visit her online lover only to be brought to his house, tied to the bed, and repeatedly and alternately raped by the man and his son.  Luckily, she was able to escape and was able to seek solace from somebody we know.

Or

A Filipina got involved in a fight with her boyfriend and ended up being killed in one of the parks here.

Or

Another Filipina who came to Belgium and had such a traumatic experience with her online boyfriend that she had to undergo psychiatric treatment afterwards of which is completely shouldered by the Belgian government.

It is a well known fact that the Philippines is not among the richest countries in the world, or even in Asia, in terms of monetary wealth.  Our wealth lies in our natural resources and in the hearts of our people.  But sadly, that, more often than not, is not enough to put food on our plates.  That is the sad reality and we cannot blame other women (or men) for seeking “greener” pastures elsewhere, even if it means living in another country and learning to love somebody they have never met in person…to the point of risking their lives.

I know the show makes my husband uneasy because it makes him and all other Belgian men who unexpectedly fell head over heels in love with “exotic women” (and I wouldn’t blame them *wink*) prone to the desperate-foreigner-seeking-exotic-wife stereotype and having colleagues always talking about the show just makes it worse. And I feel sorry for him (snicker…just kidding!) but he knows, I know, and the people we know all know better.

But one thing is for sure, we will continue watching the series and we might continue cringing but hopefully also do some sighing (with relief) because things turned out all right for da kopols…I mean, the couples concerned.

To see some excerpts of “Exotische Liefde” click here:

25secs (my favorite guy in the show coz he’s so sweet):  http://www.vt4.be/videos/deze-week-exotische-liefde-4

5mins:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=285Q7DHpndM&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLFFF8912555496961

The happy end:

http://www.vt4.be/videos/julien-heeft-plannen